Spring Break 2014

Spring Break has come and gone. Giada and Mommy had a fun filled week. The weather wasn't as nice as we hoped it would be, but that didn't stop us. We played at home (inside and outside), had a couple play dates, shopped, spent one morning at the zoo, and another morning at CMOE. Giada loves animals. Ducks are definitely one of her favorites. We've been to Rural King numerous times the past couple weeks and she knows the ducks and chicks are there. When we were at the zoo we saw three ducks and her day was made! Giada's vocabulary is amazing. She has started reading her books to Mommy and Daddy. It is amazing, so sweet, and I LOVE the early literacy development! The count down to summer has officially begun - 40 more days of school! Tomorrow is opening day for the Chicago Cubs so Daddy took the day off work to watch the game. Giada gets to have a special Daddy-daughter day. It is supposed to be almost 70 degrees. Daddy has a fun filled morning planned followed by an afternoon of baseball.

Giada is Mommy's little helper. She loves to help with laundry, dusting, and cleaning the floors!

Chex Mix has become a FAVORITE snack!

Play date with Hadley.

Girl talk

This girl knows her way around an iPhone and iPad.

"Are we done with pictures yet?"

A nighttime story; reading before bed.

She is so big. Time flies!

Go Cubs Go!

Wagon fun

Starting early with teaching her corn hole.

Playing the piano at CMOE.

She LOVED the sand. I see a beach vacation in our future.

Beautiful

Early shopping girls, waiting for Target to open.

Zoo fun 

DUCKS!

Jaguar

Back to the duck-ducks.

Broken Hallelujah

Tomorrow was my due date with Keira. Truth be told the days are pretty hard right now and the nights aren't any easier. I have more questions than answers and right now the greater plan is hard to understand. Through this horrible experience I have learned many things:
1.  I love my husband more now than I ever have before. He has been so strong for me through all the hard times this year has thrown at us. He is always positive and encouraging. He prays for me and with me. God blessed me with a man full of faith to walk beside me in this life.
2.  Giada is truly a miracle and our greatest blessing. I try to keep it together when I'm around her, but when the waves of grief prove too much and I break down she is always there with a hug, kiss, and smile. She reminds me that it's all okay. One day our family will dance together in the streets of heaven.
3.  God has blessed my life with incredible family and friends. To my prayer warriors who haven't stopped praying for us, words are not enough to say thank you.
4.  Everyone goes through struggles. Life isn't easy. Be kinder than necessary. Everyone is fighting a battle you know nothing about.
I pray a lot. I pray for myself and I pray for others. I lean on Jesus and keep my eyes on him. He is leading my family through the storm.

"I can barely stand right now. Everything is crashing down, and I wonder where You are. I try to find the words to pray. I don't always know what to say, but You're the One that can hear my heart. And even though I don't know what Your plan is, I know You make beauty from these ashes. I've seen joy and I've seen pain. And on my knees I call Your name. Here's my broken hallelujah. With nothing left to hold on to, I raise these empty hands to you. Here's my broken Hallelujah. You know the things that have brought me here. You know the story of every tear, cause You've been here from the very start...When all is taken away, don't let my heart be changed. Let me always sing Hallelujah. And when I feel afraid, don't let my hope be erased. Let me always sing Hallelujah. " - The Afters

This is my spring break. Spring has teased us with some BEAUTIFUL days lately. However, this week will be cold. Sadly Giada and I won't be able to be outside playing, but we'll find plenty to keep us busy. She LOVES to be and play outside. She will walk up to the door and say, "outside!" Its so hard to explain to a 20 month old why we were able to play outside yesterday in a t-shirt but today it's too cold to be out at all. She is talking non-stop and we are able to understand her more and more everyday. She has a HUGE vocabulary. It amazes everyone. Even the doctor at her 18 month check up was amazed and told us she was "advanced"! (I can see us at future parent-teacher conferences learning that our child has a hard time being quiet in class. Ha!) She also enjoys laying up against Wrigley and reading. She has learned to point to the floor and say down, although he doesn't always listen to her every command. Giada has also started singing, which is so adorable. Babies are still a favorite toy. And you can tell she is growing up with a dog at home because she loves everything dog related.

In February I learned I would have to leave my school, Cynthia Heights, because enrollment was expected to decrease for next fall. This was hard to hear less than a month after losing Keira. God is clearly leading me where He wants me. About a week ago we learned that I will be teaching at Perry Heights Middle School starting in the fall. I'll teach 7th and 8th mathematics. Its funny now, because that is what I wanted to teach as I was getting my degree. So six years I've taught 4th grade, 1st grade, kindergarten, and 3rd grades. Now in my seventh year I'll teach 7th and 8th grade. Wow!

Sweet Giada is cutting 2 teeth right now. She is the queen of 2 teeth at at time. She is also learning how to drink from a straw. She has some new cups with straws, but she LOVES drinking from Mommy's cup and straw. Good thing Mommy always drinks water. She has also discovered the yummy goodness of Chex Mix. She eats it daily. She is definitely a crunch, salty lover.

Watching Little Einsteins with Daddy.

Welcome March

The Deardurff family is welcoming March today and whatever this month has to throw at us. We are hoping this month is more pleasant than the last two. January brought the tragic news that Keira's heart stopped beating. Then in February we were notified that I (Jessica) would be leaving Cynthia Heights this spring and will be headed to a new building in the fall (school and grade level to be determined). Needless to say, we've found ourselves on our knees a lot lately praying to God for peace, strength, and guidance. He is our rock.

January 20, 2014:  At my routine 31 week appointment my OB had a hard time finding Keira's heartbeat with the doplar. I thought nothing of it and just assumed Keira was being stubborn. My doctor and I walked over to get an ultrasound. After a very long couple of minutes, the ultrasound tech said, "I'm sorry, but I'm not finding a heartbeat." My OB grabbed my hand and said, "I'm so sorry." My heart sank - it took a minute for the weight of this news to truly sink in. After many tears and stumbles in speech I asked my OB what this all meant and what our next steps were. She informed me that I would need to be induced and deliver Keira (and informed me she was head down). After several minutes I composed myself and walked back to my OB's office where I called Brian. I kept thinking how am I supposed to tell him that our daughter's heart had stopped beating. I still couldn't believe it myself. I drove home from the hospital, embraced Brian at home, loved on our most precious gift - Giada, and we packed a bag for the hospital. Giada spent the night with my mom and we were admitted to the hospital. My doctor and the nurses told us that because my body wasn't "ready" for labor/delivery because I wasn't full term that the process of being induced would take about 24 hours or more. The nurse gave me my first dose of medicine at 6:45pm and my second dose at 10:45pm. Then Brian and I tried to get some sleep. I woke up at 12:30am with contractions. I woke Brian up at 12:45 because they were increasing in frequency and intensity. He called the nurse in at 1:00. She checked my cervix and told me I was still closed and I must be experiencing some bad cramping. I tried to walk around. The pain was excruciating. She asked if I wanted an epidural and I said yes so she started a bag of fluid. I went to the bathroom and as I was walking back to bed I told her it felt like I needed to push. As I was trying to get back in bed, Brian said he saw Keira's butt. Keira had flipped since our ultrasound and I delivered her breach, without an epidrual at 2:00am on Tuesday, January 21. Brian and I got to spend some time holding her and we cried and prayed together. We were able to go home 12 hours later.

After leaving my doctor's office I found myself focusing more on the labor and delivery that was going to happen so much sooner than I had expected rather than the fact that we wouldn't be bringing our second baby girl home. The weeks that followed were pretty difficult. Its been over a month now and some days are easier than others, but I can't say that any day is "easy". I think about Keira everyday and I'm still wrapping my head around how different this spring and summer will be without a newborn. I find myself clinging to my faith, knowing that Keira is in heaven with Jesus, and that we will be together again one day. But I'm also human and I ask "Why" a lot. But I know it is not for me to understand. He is walking with me every step of the way, at times carrying me, and I praise the God who gives and takes away.

February brought more hard news. Due to a slight decrease in next year's projected enrollment I will be leaving Cynthia Heights and moving to another school in the fall (and most likely a new grade level). This was very upsetting and hard to handle. My prayers got longer and more frequent and we are trusting that God is leading me where He wants me to be in my career.

Giada is 19 months old and is SO MUCH FUN! She is running, talking, playing the harmonica, and keeping us very busy. She is such a blessing. She loves to play the harmonica (something we are learning in our Kindermusik class) and Wrigley howls as she play. She absolutely loves animals and knows what they are and what sound they make. Reading books is her favorite activity. A close second is being outside, which we haven't got to do often with the ridiculously cold, wet winter. We had one nice Saturday about a week ago and we were outside ALL day. Now she walks to the door, grabs the door knob, looks at Mommy or Daddy and says "Please? Okay!" It makes her very upset when we have to explain that it is too cold to play outside.

silly girl

She loves the iPad.

Always surrounded by books and reading.