Welcome March

The Deardurff family is welcoming March today and whatever this month has to throw at us. We are hoping this month is more pleasant than the last two. January brought the tragic news that Keira's heart stopped beating. Then in February we were notified that I (Jessica) would be leaving Cynthia Heights this spring and will be headed to a new building in the fall (school and grade level to be determined). Needless to say, we've found ourselves on our knees a lot lately praying to God for peace, strength, and guidance. He is our rock.

January 20, 2014:  At my routine 31 week appointment my OB had a hard time finding Keira's heartbeat with the doplar. I thought nothing of it and just assumed Keira was being stubborn. My doctor and I walked over to get an ultrasound. After a very long couple of minutes, the ultrasound tech said, "I'm sorry, but I'm not finding a heartbeat." My OB grabbed my hand and said, "I'm so sorry." My heart sank - it took a minute for the weight of this news to truly sink in. After many tears and stumbles in speech I asked my OB what this all meant and what our next steps were. She informed me that I would need to be induced and deliver Keira (and informed me she was head down). After several minutes I composed myself and walked back to my OB's office where I called Brian. I kept thinking how am I supposed to tell him that our daughter's heart had stopped beating. I still couldn't believe it myself. I drove home from the hospital, embraced Brian at home, loved on our most precious gift - Giada, and we packed a bag for the hospital. Giada spent the night with my mom and we were admitted to the hospital. My doctor and the nurses told us that because my body wasn't "ready" for labor/delivery because I wasn't full term that the process of being induced would take about 24 hours or more. The nurse gave me my first dose of medicine at 6:45pm and my second dose at 10:45pm. Then Brian and I tried to get some sleep. I woke up at 12:30am with contractions. I woke Brian up at 12:45 because they were increasing in frequency and intensity. He called the nurse in at 1:00. She checked my cervix and told me I was still closed and I must be experiencing some bad cramping. I tried to walk around. The pain was excruciating. She asked if I wanted an epidural and I said yes so she started a bag of fluid. I went to the bathroom and as I was walking back to bed I told her it felt like I needed to push. As I was trying to get back in bed, Brian said he saw Keira's butt. Keira had flipped since our ultrasound and I delivered her breach, without an epidrual at 2:00am on Tuesday, January 21. Brian and I got to spend some time holding her and we cried and prayed together. We were able to go home 12 hours later.

After leaving my doctor's office I found myself focusing more on the labor and delivery that was going to happen so much sooner than I had expected rather than the fact that we wouldn't be bringing our second baby girl home. The weeks that followed were pretty difficult. Its been over a month now and some days are easier than others, but I can't say that any day is "easy". I think about Keira everyday and I'm still wrapping my head around how different this spring and summer will be without a newborn. I find myself clinging to my faith, knowing that Keira is in heaven with Jesus, and that we will be together again one day. But I'm also human and I ask "Why" a lot. But I know it is not for me to understand. He is walking with me every step of the way, at times carrying me, and I praise the God who gives and takes away.

February brought more hard news. Due to a slight decrease in next year's projected enrollment I will be leaving Cynthia Heights and moving to another school in the fall (and most likely a new grade level). This was very upsetting and hard to handle. My prayers got longer and more frequent and we are trusting that God is leading me where He wants me to be in my career.

Giada is 19 months old and is SO MUCH FUN! She is running, talking, playing the harmonica, and keeping us very busy. She is such a blessing. She loves to play the harmonica (something we are learning in our Kindermusik class) and Wrigley howls as she play. She absolutely loves animals and knows what they are and what sound they make. Reading books is her favorite activity. A close second is being outside, which we haven't got to do often with the ridiculously cold, wet winter. We had one nice Saturday about a week ago and we were outside ALL day. Now she walks to the door, grabs the door knob, looks at Mommy or Daddy and says "Please? Okay!" It makes her very upset when we have to explain that it is too cold to play outside.

silly girl

She loves the iPad.

Always surrounded by books and reading.